Why Everything Sucks: A Manifesto

The concept behind this blog is simple: we believe that nearly every idea that humans have come up with in the last six thousand years or so has been an awful, awful mistake.

If this sounds like an exaggeration, look around you: the air we breathe and the water we drink is full of poison; our food is unhealthy or unappetizing and often both at the same time; our cities are overcrowded and full of garbage; our rural areas are mind-blowingly boring and often impoverished; our television programs, books, movies and music are watered-down derivatives of older stories; most of those entertainments exist solely to sell us electric razors and snack foods anyway; our societies are run by dishonest, greedy con men; most of the people on the planet are poor and constantly threatened with starvation; even the rich are so unhappy they feel the need to pay therapists large amounts of money to listen to their problems; and to top it off, there's a good chance that in the next hundred years we will either blow ourselves up or perish in a deluge of natural disasters thanks to man-made global warming. The only thing humans as a whole seem to be good at is killing one another―we're very good at that―and making chips that taste vaguely like cheese despite not actually having cheese in them. If that isn't enough, it's likely that you have at least four or five objects within arm's reach that are giving you cancer right now.

What can you do about this? Probably nothing, although we'd advise you not to eat any more cheese-flavored chips. What can we here at Everything Sucks do about this? Absolutely nothing―we're a blog, and no blog has ever helped anyone, ever (see the forthcoming entry, “Why Blogs Suck”). Our aim is not to help people, but to merely spread awareness about how much everything sucks, and why. We will tackle the larger issues like religion and politics, smaller issues like pop culture and sports, and much smaller―some would say obscure―issues like snack foods and haircuts. Nothing is off limits.

If this sounds like a bitter and cynical undertaking, well, that's because it is. The chief blogger, Harry Cheadle, incurred massive student debts while earning a useless BFA in Creative Writing, and he feels entitled to a little bit of bitterness towards the world. But behind this bitterness lurks a real desire for reform and change―before you change the world, you must understand why the world must change. Or, as Thomas Edison once said, “Discontent is the first necessity of progress.” Well, we are discontented as hell right now, and we hope you are too. At our most high-minded, this blog is like a bizarro Barack Obama, uniting and inspiring people with a message of despair rather than hope.

Do you feel like nothing you do matters? Do you walk around the streets muttering under your breath, cursing your existence? Have you stopped reading the newspaper because it only makes you angry and depressed? Do you sometimes feel like the world is out to get you? Here at Everything Sucks, we are right there with you, brother, and we'll take it a step further―the way you feel isn't your fault. In fact, feeling that the world is an awful place is the only logical way to feel, because the world is an awful place. Let's stop lying to ourselves, right now. This blog, at bottom, is dedicated to truth, and the truth sucks.

Everything Sucks is updated at least three times a week, on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and there may be supplementary posts whenever we feel like it. Each entry will describe why one facet of modern life sucks, except for entries that describe something that doesn't suck. The latter kind of post will be much less common, for obvious reasons.